he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
