my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
