ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
