I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you had me at cake vodka
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
