take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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