hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
