Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
