I think I won the penis lottery.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
