Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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