Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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