Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
