I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
time to smoke my breakfast
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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