I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
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Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize