he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
