you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.