Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How does it feel to date your dad?