i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.