I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
