quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
