would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
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The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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