sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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