I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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