im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
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I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
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styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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