NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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