He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
