I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't put those talents on a resume
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
