Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
