i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
