i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
