never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
