I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She's the barista slut.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
