that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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