i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
