We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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