This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
