Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
