i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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