Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize