I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
