It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
