Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
