My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
