people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
