my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
