Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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