You just made me feel so damn special
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
