I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
