I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
organizing the empties. That sober.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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