so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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