Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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