Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

go do what you do best...puke behind churches

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.

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(816): View more from Missouri

We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

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(530): View more from California

Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.

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(802): View more from Vermont

when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.

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(310): View more from California

The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear

(310): View more from California

We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.

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(909): View more from California

oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.

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