I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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