She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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