White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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