I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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