You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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