Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
