ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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