Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
