I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
