fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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