now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
