yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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