the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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