meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
