I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
