You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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